幽默簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全
笑話(huà)由于其滑稽可笑的特點(diǎn)而為人們長(zhǎng)久以來(lái)所喜愛(ài)。而人們對(duì)笑話(huà)的熱衷與喜愛(ài)也促使人們?cè)陂_(kāi)懷捧腹的同時(shí)對(duì)笑話(huà)為何能夠使人發(fā)笑這一問(wèn)題進(jìn)行思考。小編精心收集了幽默簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
幽默簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)篇一
愛(ài)爾蘭人的運(yùn)氣
Two Irish lovers are sitting on a bench, in a park. They are holding hands，but the lady is nervously twisting her hands.
一對(duì)愛(ài)爾蘭情侶坐在公園里的長(zhǎng)椅上。他們手牽著手，但是那個(gè)女的一直緊張地?cái)[弄她的雙手。
Mary: “Patrick. I have something to tell you.”
瑪麗:“帕特瑞克，我有些事想告訴你。”
Patrick: “Well，what’s on your mind? You know you can tell me everything.”
帕特瑞克:“好的，你在想什么?有什么事你盡管可以跟我說(shuō)。”
Mary: “It’ s so terrible.”
瑪麗:“這件事簡(jiǎn)直太難講出口了。”
Patrick: “You know you can trust me. What is it?”
帕克瑞克:“請(qǐng)你相信我，到底是什么事?”
Mary: “Well, it was a few years ago. Father lost his job, and no money in sight…”
瑪麗:“那是好幾年前的事了。我爸爸失業(yè)了，當(dāng)時(shí)沒(méi)有錢(qián)。”
Patrick: “So, what is it?”
帕特瑞克:“那然后呢?”
Mary: “Oh. We were so desperate. For some time I had to turn… prostitute!”
瑪麗:“哦，當(dāng)時(shí)我們簡(jiǎn)直是絕望之極。所以有時(shí)候我不得不去做妓女!”
Patrick: “WHAT!”
帕特瑞克:“你說(shuō)什么?”
Mary: “We needed the money so bad!”
瑪麗:“我們太需要錢(qián)了。”
Patrick: “There is no good reason for this! Endangering your very soul! How could you? YOU! Mary, this is more than I can stand!”
帕特瑞克:“不要找借口開(kāi)脫了。出賣(mài)你的靈魂，你怎么能這么做呢? 你! 瑪麗，這我實(shí)在是接受不了。”
Mary: “Not you, Pat! No! I thought you'd understand. I thought your could still love me, even though I had been a whore.”
瑪麗:“不，帕特請(qǐng)不要這樣，我覺(jué)得你能理解我。我相信你依然愛(ài)我，哪怕我曾經(jīng)出賣(mài)過(guò)自己的身體。”
Patrick:“Oh! … You … Well, that's ok. For a moment I thought you said protestant’!”
帕特瑞克:“哦，你等會(huì)兒，那沒(méi)關(guān)系。剛才我還以為你是說(shuō)你是當(dāng)了新教徒呢。”
幽默簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)篇二
兩個(gè)錯(cuò)誤
For a long time Dr. Smith had wanted to get a better job in a certain big modern hospital, and at last he was successful. He was appointed to a particular position, which he wanted，and his wife moved to the house, which they were now to live in. The next day some beautiful flowers were sent to them, with a note，which said，"Deepest sympathy". Naturally,Dr. Smith was angry to receive such an unusual note, and telephoned the shop which had sent the flowers to find what the note meant.
很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間以來(lái)，史密斯先生一直想在一家現(xiàn)代化的大醫(yī)院找到一份較好的工作，最后他如愿以?xún)斄?。他得到了他所想要的一個(gè)重要職位，他和他妻子也搬進(jìn)了他們現(xiàn)在的房子。第二天，他讓花店送來(lái)了一些美麗的鮮花，上面有一張條子，寫(xiě)道:“最深切的吊慰。”很顯然，史密斯先生對(duì)接到這樣一張條子感到非常氣憤，他立刻打電話(huà)給送花店的老板問(wèn)那張條子是什么意思。
When the owner of the shop heard what had happened, he apologized to Dr. Smith for having made the mistake.
商店的老板聽(tīng)到所發(fā)生的事情之后，對(duì)于他們所造成的錯(cuò)誤對(duì)史密斯先生表示歉意。
"But what really worried me much more," he added , "is that flowers which ought to have gone to you were sent to a person who had just died, with a card which said, Congratulations on your new position."
“可真正讓我更為擔(dān)心的是”，老板補(bǔ)充道，“應(yīng)該給你送去的鮮花卻被送給了一個(gè)剛?cè)ナ赖娜?，鮮花上的條子寫(xiě)著:祝您高升。”
幽默簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)篇三
我沒(méi)看到它
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johmmy,and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?
媽媽: 約翰尼，我今天早上在櫥子里放了兩塊點(diǎn)心。現(xiàn)在就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎?
Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn' t notice the other.
約翰尼: 哦，我想是因?yàn)槔锩嫣谖覜](méi)看到另外那塊。
幽默簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)篇四
上天堂還是下地獄
Two guys recently dead were given the option to stay either in Heaven or Hell fog the rest of their eternity. They asked if it was OK to look around first, and to their surprise,it was.First, they went to Heaven. All niceguys were there, dressed in white they sat on clouds playing harp. Quite a boring place, thought our heroes.
兩個(gè)家伙死了之后，被允許選擇是愿意呆在天堂還是地獄。他們提出能否到兩個(gè)地方先觀光一下，他們被允許了。首先他們來(lái)到了天堂。這里都是穿著白衣服看上去很正派的人，他們坐在白云上彈奏著豎琴。他們想:這是個(gè)多無(wú)聊的地方呀。
"Let' s go to Hell，”they said to each other.
“讓我們下地獄吧，”他們互相商量著。
Hell turned out to be a completely different scene. It was all bars, casino andamusement parks. Free drinks for everyone and a lot of people having a real good time.Back from Hell，the guys were asked to choose between Heaven and Hell. They both chose Hell.
他們來(lái)到了地獄，這里簡(jiǎn)直是一番完全不同的景色。那里有酒吧、賭場(chǎng)和游樂(lè)園。每個(gè)人都可以免費(fèi)喝酒，所有的人都享受著他們真正的快樂(lè)時(shí)光。當(dāng)他們從地獄回來(lái)以后，他們不得不在天堂和地獄之間做出選擇。最后，他們都選擇了下地獄。
Back in Hell, they were immediately scuffled in the back of a sub-surface car and driven to a coalmine. Someone gave them a shovel each and told them to start working.
回到了地獄之后，他們立即被送進(jìn)了一輛礦井車(chē)的后座，然后駛向了一個(gè)煤礦井。有人給他們每人一個(gè)鏟子，叫他們開(kāi)始工作。
"What' s this? The last time we were here the place was entirely different.”
“這是怎么回事?上次我們?cè)谶@里的時(shí)候完全不是這樣的。”
"Yes, but then you were tourists, now you are immigrants.
“是的，但是那時(shí)你們是游客，現(xiàn)在你們是移民。
幽默簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)篇五
金色的酒吧
One night, a man comes home slightly drunk and his wife ( who is suspecting he’s cheating on her) questions his whereabouts…
一天深夜，一個(gè)男人稍有醉意回到家中。他的妻子問(wèn)他去哪了(她有些懷疑他的話(huà))。
Wife: "Where were you?"
妻子:“你去哪了?”
Man: "I was at this new bar called the Golden Bar. Everything is golden.”
丈夫:“我去了一個(gè)叫金色酒吧的新開(kāi)張的酒吧。里面的一切都是金的。”
Wife: "Sure you were. There' s no such place”
妻子:“你真去了嗎? 根本沒(méi)有這種地方!”
Man: "There is! They have huge golden doors, a golden floors, and even golden urinals !”
丈夫:“有!那里有一扇大金門(mén)，金地板和金的便池!”
Wife: "Oh, I BELEIVE you 100%.”
妻子:‘好，就算我惻言你!”
So, the next day the wife looks through the phone book for this golden bar. She’s surprised when she finds a Golden Bar located across town. She decides to call up and check this out for herself…
第二天，他的妻子在電話(huà)號(hào)碼簿里查金色酒吧的電話(huà)。使她吃驚的是金色酒吧就在他們住的小鎮(zhèn)的另一頭。她決定打電話(huà)過(guò)去證實(shí)一下她丈夫的話(huà)。
Wife: "Is this the Golden Bar?"
妻子:“這里是金色酒吧嗎?”
Bartender: "Yes it is.”
酒吧服務(wù)員:“是的，金色酒吧。”
Wife: "Do you have huge golden doors? "
妻子:“你們那里是不是有一扇金色大門(mén)?”
Bartender: "Yes we do…”
酒吧服務(wù)員:“是的，我們有......”
Wife: "Do you have golden floors?"
妻子:“你們的地板也是金色的?”
Bartender; "We have them, too…”
酒吧服務(wù)員:“是的，這也對(duì)……”
Wife: "What about golden urinals?"
妻子:“那有沒(méi)有金色便池?”
Bartender( speaking away from phone):"Hey Max，I think we have a lead on the guy that fouled your alto-sax.”
酒吧服務(wù)員在電話(huà)那頭問(wèn):“嘿，馬克斯，我認(rèn)為那天有人往你的高音薩克斯里小便的事有線(xiàn)索了。”
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