英文爆笑笑話5篇

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英文爆笑笑話， 希望大家喜歡。

　　英文爆笑笑話一：A Man Who Said No 說不的男子

　　A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.

　　Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"

　　At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"

　　我的一位朋友看到一個男子在時(shí)代廣場的地鐵車站搖搖晃晃地走。那個人穿著時(shí)髦，敞著懷，一個手提箱在他的手里懸吊著，很明顯他是多喝了一杯。

　　我朋友問他怎么樣，那男子含糊而肯定地回答說沒問題。然而我朋友就是不能眼看著有人在紐約地鐵獨(dú)入是非之地而置之不顧。他跟在那家伙的后面，又一次問道：“你肯定你沒事?你在找哪個地鐵站?你需要幫忙回家嗎?”

　　他所注意的對象終于忍耐不住了，對他低聲咆哮道：“你給我走開!我是便衣警察!”

　　英文爆笑笑話二：博士與小廝

　　A wealthy old lady who lived near Dr.Swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant.Dr.Swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble.One day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said，“ my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits.” Swift turned round and said，“My boy， that is not the way to deliver your parcel.Now， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson.” The boy sat down. Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited. The boy said“Come in.” The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，“If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.” The boy answered，“Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.” The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.

　　在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老婦人，她時(shí)常打發(fā)仆人給他送禮物。斯威夫特博士接受她的禮物，但從不給小廝任何酬謝。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙著寫東西，小廝沖進(jìn)了他的房間，把書一扒拉，將一個包裹扔在書桌上，說道：“我的女主人送給你兩只兔子。” 斯威夫特轉(zhuǎn)過身來說：“孩子，包裹可不是這樣送法呀?，F(xiàn)在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎么送的，并要記取這個教訓(xùn)。” 小廝坐了下來，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲門，等待回音。小廝說“進(jìn)來”。博士進(jìn)了門，走到桌旁說道：“先生，我的女主人向您致以親切的問候，并希望您收下這些兔子，這是她兒子今天早晨在地里打的。” 小廝回答說：“謝謝你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的兒子致謝，謝謝他們的關(guān)心。這兩個先令是送給你本人的。” 博士笑了，打那以后，斯威夫特從沒忘記送小費(fèi)給小廝。

　　英文爆笑笑話三：醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病。”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”

　　英文爆笑笑話四：Not so fast 別那么急嘛

　　A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(歡慶的) charity event was taking place.

　　Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

　　"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"

　　"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

　　一只豬和一只雞路過一所教堂，那里有一場盛大慈善活動正在進(jìn)行著。

　　在精神上收到觸動的豬向小雞提出建議：他們每個人作出點(diǎn)自己的貢獻(xiàn)。

　　“好主意!”雞尖叫道，“讓我們給腿和雞蛋吧?”

　　“著什么急”豬不耐煩地說，“對你來說，是一個貢獻(xiàn)，對我來說，這是一個完全的獻(xiàn)身。”

　　英文爆笑笑話五：The boy and the snails 男孩和蝸牛

　　A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

　　一個鄉(xiāng)下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當(dāng)他雙手都塞滿了蝸牛后，就準(zhǔn)備點(diǎn)火烤著吃?；瘘c(diǎn)著了，蝸牛也開始感覺到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅(jiān)殼的深處，同時(shí)還發(fā)出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子聽到了蝸牛發(fā)出的噓聲，便說：“你們這些連命都快沒有的家伙，怎么還能有心情在窩里著火時(shí)吹口哨呢?”