正宗英語(yǔ)笑話5篇總有一篇你會(huì)笑

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)笑話大全，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)笑話一：The doctor lives downstairs醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　“醫(yī)生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說(shuō)道。“我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病。”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太，我有三件事要對(duì)你說(shuō)。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫(huà)家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話二：它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺(tái)，銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

　　這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我，先生，也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的。”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話三：He is really somebody他真是一個(gè)大人物

　　My uncle has 1000 men under him.

　　He is really somebody. What does he do?

　　A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。

　　他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的?

　　墓地守墓人。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話四：三人同舟

　　Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.

　　A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.

　　"Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends.

　　"In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"

　　"Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

　　三位男子在公園的長(zhǎng)椅上坐著。中間的一個(gè)在讀報(bào)紙，另外兩個(gè)在假裝釣魚(yú)。他們給想象的魚(yú)鉤上魚(yú)餌，放線，并卷線把魚(yú)抓上來(lái)。

　　一位過(guò)路警察駐足觀察了這個(gè)景象，他問(wèn)中間的那個(gè)男子是否認(rèn)識(shí)其他兩位。

　　“喔，認(rèn)識(shí)，”他說(shuō)，“他們是我的朋友。”

　　“那樣的話，”警察告誡說(shuō)，“你最好把他們從這里弄走。”

　　“好的，警官。”那男子回答說(shuō)，接著就開(kāi)始瘋狂般地做起劃槳的動(dòng)作來(lái)。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話五：As If Awakening From A Dream

　　A competition which subject is on giving up drinking is proceeding. One of lecturers says excitedly, " Alcohol can break down conjugal(婚姻的) relation, even cause your wife to leave you… "

　　A man shouts out at the news, "Give me another bottle of Brandy."

　　以戒酒為主題的演講比賽正在進(jìn)行，一個(gè)演講者動(dòng)情地說(shuō)：“酒精可以破壞夫妻關(guān)系，甚至導(dǎo)致妻子離開(kāi)自己的丈夫……”

　　這時(shí)一個(gè)男人大聲喊：“再來(lái)一瓶白蘭地!”