下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語搞笑冷笑話，希望大家會(huì)喜歡!

　　英語搞笑冷笑：交通事故

　　A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'

　　有個(gè)人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側(cè)面撞上了他的車，當(dāng)時(shí)他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他從車?yán)锢鰜聿拘阉?。剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎著，最后不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮(zhèn)靜下來。過了一會(huì)兒，他平靜了，別人問他為什么要這么恐怖的掙扎，他說：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，當(dāng)我醒過來，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我躺在了路邊，前面是一個(gè)巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個(gè)人擋住了那個(gè)“S”。”

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：寫給上帝的信

　　A little boy needed very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the . When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept in taxes.

　　有個(gè)小男孩非常需要50美元，他為此禱告了數(shù)周但是什么也沒發(fā)生。后來，他決定寫封信向上帝索要這50美元。郵局接到這封信，想了想覺得還是應(yīng)該交給總統(tǒng)比較好?？偨y(tǒng)被逗笑了，于是指示秘書寄給小男孩5美元，因?yàn)樗X得5美元對(duì)于一個(gè)小孩來講已經(jīng)是不少了。小男孩收到了錢很高興，給上帝回了一封感謝信，信里寫道：尊敬的上帝，非常感謝你把錢寄給我。然而，我發(fā)現(xiàn)這些錢是通過白宮寄出的，因此，和往常一樣，那幫家伙收了我45美元的稅。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：班級(jí)、情人和蠢驢

　　Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

　　湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學(xué)生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。一位學(xué)生看到這條通知后，覺得展示自己幽默感的機(jī)會(huì)來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授聽到笑聲，轉(zhuǎn)過身走回來，看了看那位學(xué)生，又看看被改動(dòng)過的通知，不動(dòng)聲色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的學(xué)生，教授揚(yáng)長(zhǎng)而去。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：there's only ONE policeman

　　One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?”“唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀!”

　　英語搞笑冷笑話："孩子"的復(fù)數(shù)形式

　　Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?

　　Tom: Men.

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　Tom: Twins.

　　老師：湯姆，‘男人’這個(gè)詞的復(fù)數(shù)形式是什么?

　　湯姆：男人們。

　　老師：答得好。那‘孩子’的復(fù)數(shù)形式呢?

　　湯姆：雙胞胎。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：除了音樂

　　A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"

　　"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."

　　一位熱心的年輕教師想讓她的學(xué)生多了解一點(diǎn)優(yōu)秀的古典音樂，就安排了一天下午去聽音樂會(huì)。為了使這次活動(dòng)能給大家留下更深的印象，她請(qǐng)大家喝檸檬汽水、吃點(diǎn)心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回來上汽車的時(shí)候，她問小薩莉：“你今天玩得好嗎?”

　　“噢，好極了，小姐，” 薩莉說，“除了音樂其它都很好。”

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：我妹妹的手指頭

　　Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

　　Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

　　Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

　　Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

　　老師：凱溫，這次你怎么又遲到了?

　　凱溫：對(duì)不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個(gè)手指頭。

　　老師：怎么沒有扎繃帶呀?

　　凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶著釘子的。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：新西蘭的氣候

　　The Climate of New Zealand

　　Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

　　Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

　　Teacher: Wrong.

　　Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

　　老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎么樣?

　　馬修：先生，那里的天氣很冷。

　　老師：錯(cuò)了。

　　馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運(yùn)來的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：Good news or Bad news?

　　An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

　　"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

　　"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

　　"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

　　"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

　　With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

　　以為藝術(shù)家在一個(gè)畫廊辦了個(gè)展覽，他問店主是否有人對(duì)他參展的畫感興趣。

　　“我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息。”店主回答。

　　“先告訴我好消息。”畫家要求道。

　　“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會(huì)在你死后增。我告訴他會(huì)的，然后他買下了你所有的15幅畫作。”

　　“那太棒了!”畫家驚嘆。“那么什么會(huì)是壞消息呢?”

　　店主想了想之后說：“問那個(gè)問題的是你的醫(yī)生”。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：I don't think I know

　　Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

　　John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

　　Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

　　John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

　　老師：“John，動(dòng)詞ring的過去分詞是什么?”。

　　約翰：“你想它是什么呢”?

　　老師：“我不用想，我知道!”。

　　約翰：“我想我不知道”。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：A Girl's Name 女孩的名字

　　When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的) .

　　Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

　　Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.

　　女兒出生時(shí)，我們給她取名叫邁爾斯，和我深愛的業(yè)已過世的父親同一個(gè)名字，不過家人提醒這個(gè)名字太男性化了。

　　幾年以后，我覺得邁爾斯已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大，能夠懂事了。我對(duì)她解釋說：你的名字很特別。我給你取了一個(gè)和我爸爸一樣的名字，因?yàn)槲曳浅鬯?。我相信他?huì)為你而深感自豪的。

　　邁爾斯很仔細(xì)地想了一下，然后說道：這些我都懂，媽媽。可是我不知道外公為什么會(huì)有一個(gè)女孩子的名字。

　　英語搞笑冷笑話：電腦問題

　　I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges，delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"

　　我在惠普公司打印機(jī)部做技術(shù)支持工作已經(jīng)有一個(gè)月了，有一天我接到一位客戶的電話，她的問題我沒辦法解決。她的問題是：打印機(jī)不能打出來黃色，但是其它顏色都正常。這讓我覺得很納悶，因?yàn)槿褪撬{(lán)、紅、黃。我建議客戶更換墨盒、刪了驅(qū)動(dòng)程序然后重新安裝，但是都沒有效果。我咨詢同事們，他們也不知道該怎么辦。經(jīng)過兩個(gè)多小時(shí)的交涉，我打算讓客戶把打印機(jī)寄給我們，這時(shí)候她平靜地說了一句：“我是不是應(yīng)該把這張黃紙扔了換一張白紙?jiān)俅蛴≡囋嚒?rdquo;