下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的趣味搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　趣味搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：The boy and the snails 男孩和蝸牛

　　A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

　　一個(gè)鄉(xiāng)下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當(dāng)他雙手都塞滿(mǎn)了蝸牛后，就準(zhǔn)備點(diǎn)火烤著吃?；瘘c(diǎn)著了，蝸牛也開(kāi)始感覺(jué)到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅(jiān)殼的深處，同時(shí)還發(fā)出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子聽(tīng)到了蝸牛發(fā)出的噓聲，便說(shuō)：“你們這些連命都快沒(méi)有的家伙，怎么還能有心情在窩里著火時(shí)吹口哨呢?”

　　趣味搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩爭(zhēng)論

　　A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

　　The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

　　The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

　　Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

　　The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

　　The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

　　The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

　　一個(gè)小女孩和她的老師正在談?wù)撚嘘P(guān)鯨魚(yú)的事情。

　　她的老師說(shuō)：“一頭鯨魚(yú)從身體構(gòu)造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個(gè)人的。因?yàn)楸M管鯨魚(yú)是一種非常巨大的哺乳動(dòng)物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

　　那個(gè)小女孩說(shuō)約拿(一位西伯來(lái)先知)就是被鯨魚(yú)吞掉的。

　　她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說(shuō)：“從身體構(gòu)造角度來(lái)講，鯨魚(yú)是不可能吞掉一個(gè)人的。”

　　那個(gè)小女孩說(shuō)：“那等我到了天堂，就去問(wèn)問(wèn)約拿。”

　　她的老師問(wèn)：“那么，假如約拿下了地獄怎么辦?”

　　那個(gè)小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話(huà)，你就去問(wèn)他。”

　　趣味搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：A Duel 決斗

　　Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

　　It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

　　"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

　　"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

　　小彼得從操場(chǎng)回到家時(shí)，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

　　顯然他剛與人惡斗了一番，而且打輸了。父親問(wèn)兒子發(fā)生了什么事。“噢，爸爸，彼得說(shuō)，我向拉里挑起決斗，而且我讓他挑選武器。”

　　“嗯，”父親說(shuō)，“這看上去很公平!”

　　“我知道，但我沒(méi)想到他選擇了他姐姐!”

　　趣味搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：Boy, Oh Boy 讓人無(wú)奈的孩子

　　When they're together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."

　　As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "C'mon, Steven, let's get dirty . "

　　我五歲的兒子和他的表弟在一起的時(shí)候，總要招來(lái)大亂。一個(gè)星期六，我開(kāi)始抗議了。“好啦，你們兩個(gè)，”我嚴(yán)厲地說(shuō)，“不許叫喊，不許亂拿，不許哭鬧，不許亂敲，不許取笑，不許扯淡，不許弄壞玩具，不許亂抓，不許打架。” 我剛轉(zhuǎn)身要走，就聽(tīng)我兒子說(shuō)：“來(lái)，斯蒂文，我們來(lái)把自己弄臟吧。”

　　趣味搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：Reason of Punishment 懲罰的原因

　　One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.

　　The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?

　　The little girl replied, My homework.

　　一天，小女孩從學(xué)校回到家里，對(duì)媽媽說(shuō)：媽媽?zhuān)裉煸趯W(xué)校里我因?yàn)橐患覜](méi)有做的事情而受到懲罰。

　　媽媽激動(dòng)地說(shuō)：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老師好好談一談，對(duì)了，你沒(méi)有做過(guò)的那件事是什么?

　　小女孩回答說(shuō)：我的家庭作業(yè)。

　　趣味搞笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)：一場(chǎng)特殊的足球比賽

　　Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."

　　"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.

　　"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.

　　麥克上學(xué)遲到了。他對(duì)布萊克老師說(shuō)：“對(duì)不起，老師，今天早上我遲到了。因?yàn)槲以趬?mèng)里觀(guān)看了一場(chǎng)球賽。”

　　“為什么它會(huì)讓你遲到呢?”老師問(wèn)道。

　　“因?yàn)檫@兩個(gè)隊(duì)都沒(méi)有能力獲勝，所以就持續(xù)的時(shí)間長(zhǎng)了。”麥克回答說(shuō)。