在日常繁忙的生活，也不要忘記了放松自己。下面學(xué)習(xí)啦小編為大家?guī)斫?jīng)典幽默英語故事三則，希望大家喜歡!

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語故事：先買票

　　Joke told by Peter Jennings, on last night, attributed as "typical Russian Humor":

　　昨晚，彼德·金寧斯給我們講了一個典型的俄國式幽默故事:

　　Two Russians are standing in a very long line for vodka. The first one says, "This line is too long! We must always wait for everything! I am going to go to the Kremlin and shoot Gorbachev!”

　　兩個俄國人正在排隊買伏特加酒。一個人說:“這隊太長了!我們?yōu)槭裁醋鍪裁词虑槎家饶?我現(xiàn)在就去克里姆林宮槍斃戈爾巴喬夫!”

　　After about an hour, he returns.

　　一個小時之后，他回來了。

　　The second Russian asks him, "Well，did you shoot him!”

　　另一個俄國人問他:“你射中他了嗎?”

　　"No, the line was too long!”

　　“沒有，隊伍太長了!”

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語故事：一個醉漢的懺悔

　　A priest was hearing a woman’s confession When a drunk stumbled into the booth on the opposite side. As the priest was finishing with her he heard the drunk groaning as if in quite some pain. He slid open the other panel and asked "Are you ok?" All he heard was another groan. He asked again and the drunk finally replied, "Yeah, I feel lots better. Do you have any toilet paper on your side?"

　　一位牧師正在聽一個婦女的懺悔，這時一個醉漢跌跌撞撞的走進(jìn)了牧師另一邊的暗箱。當(dāng)牧師結(jié)束傾聽那個婦女的懺悔以后他聽到那個醉漢在呻吟，那聲音好像是很痛苦的樣子。牧師把另一邊暗箱的門拉開問:“你沒事吧?”這時他又聽到了一聲呻吟。他又問了一遍后那個醉漢回答:“沒事，我感覺好多了。你那邊有手紙沒有?”

　　經(jīng)典幽默英語故事：可憐的建筑工人

　　A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks up the bar and sets on down. He proceeds to order a beer for himself and for the little Leprechaun. Well, the guy and the Leprechaun drink about two beers when finally the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy' s shoulder, trots down the bar and stands in front of a rather large construction worker. He looks at the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbttttttt" right to the big guy's face.

　　一個男人和他肩上的小精靈一起走進(jìn)了酒吧。他走到吧臺前坐下，然后為自己和他肩上的小精靈點了兩杯啤酒。他們喝完了兩杯啤酒之后，小精靈從那個男人的肩上跳下來跑到了吧臺的另一邊，站在了一個大塊頭的建筑工人面前。小精靈看著那個建筑工人，正對著他的臉說:“呸呸呸。”

　　Well the Leprechaun trots on back and hops back onto his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is a little ticked, but decides to shine on this breach of manners.

　　之后那個小精靈跑回了帶他來的那個男人的肩上。那個建筑工人有一點生氣，但是出于禮貌就沒動聲色。

　　After another beer and a half though，the Leprechaun hops down and again goes in front of the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbbttt" to the construction workers face.

　　又喝了一兩杯后，那個小精靈又從那人肩上跳下來，到那個建筑工人面前對著他的臉說:“呸呸呸。”

　　The Leprechaun trots on back and hops back on his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is visibly bothered，but decides not to do anything again.

　　之后那個小精靈又跑回了帶他來的那個男人的肩上。很顯然，那個建筑工人看上去已經(jīng)很煩了，但還是決定不采取任何行動。

　　Well sure enough，the guy and the Leprechaun drink another beer. Soon enough the Leprechaun hops down trots in front of the construction worker and goes, "ppphhhbbbbtttl" to his face. Well, this time the big guy has had enough of the little guy's manners and walks over to the fellow with the Leprechaun, again on his shoulder.

　　那人和小精靈又喝了一杯后，小精靈又做了同樣的事情，到那個建筑工人前面對著他的臉說:“呸呸呸。”這回那個大塊頭再也忍不了那個男人和小精靈的行為了，于是就跟著那個小精靈來到了那個男人面前。

　　The construction worker tells this man, "If your little friend does that again，1' m going to cut off his little dick!” The fellow tells the big guy，"Well Leprechauns don't have dicks. ”The big guy asks, "Well how does he go pee?" The fellow with the Leprechaun on his shoulder looks at the big guy and goes, "ppppphhhhbbbbtttttt!”

　　那個建筑工人對他們說:“如果你的那個小朋友再那么做的話，我就把他給閹了!”那個男人告訴建筑工人說:“可惜，他沒有那玩意兒。”那個建筑工人說:“那么他怎么上廁所?”那個肩上駝著小精靈的男人看著那個大塊頭建筑工人告訴他:“呸呸呸。”