如何讓你的商務(wù)英語(yǔ)郵件看起來(lái)簡(jiǎn)潔有力
在一個(gè)電子郵件和社交媒體盛行的世界,你的成功和你通過(guò)文字影響他人的能力成正比。如何才能讓你的商務(wù)信函更令人信服,下面是12個(gè)關(guān)于商務(wù)寫(xiě)作的提示和示例,這些小貼士能讓你的文章簡(jiǎn)潔有力。
1.先陳述結(jié)論。
現(xiàn)在人們沒(méi)有時(shí)間去斟酌你的思考過(guò)程。他們需要你在前兩句話(huà)中直接點(diǎn)明郵件的主旨。
Wrong: In this white paper, we will investigate the potential impact of remedial sales training in our buyer/seller relationships. First, let us discuss the initial conditions which precipitated our inquiry.
錯(cuò)誤示例:在這本白皮書(shū)中,我們將調(diào)查補(bǔ)救銷(xiāo)售培訓(xùn)對(duì)顧客和銷(xiāo)售員關(guān)系的潛在影響。首先,在開(kāi)始調(diào)查之前,讓我們討論一下初始條件。
Right: If we don't fund the ABC sales training program, our sales will plummet.
正確示例:如果我們不投資ABC銷(xiāo)售培訓(xùn)項(xiàng)目,我們的銷(xiāo)售額會(huì)大幅降低。
2.使用第一人稱(chēng)而不用無(wú)人稱(chēng)句子。
有力的商務(wù)寫(xiě)作能鞏固關(guān)系。但是如何和陌生人或是滿(mǎn)口術(shù)語(yǔ)行話(huà)的人建立關(guān)系呢?
Wrong: "The operational goals of this organization include an increase in morale as well as overall job satisfaction."
錯(cuò)誤示例:這個(gè)組織的運(yùn)作目標(biāo)包括鼓舞士氣和提高工作滿(mǎn)意度。
Right: "I want to enjoy working here. I'll bet you do, too."
正確示例:我想要享受在這兒工作。我相信你也是。
3.舉實(shí)例而不是談抽象的概念。
雖然抽象概念有一定價(jià)值,但是如果沒(méi)有實(shí)例加以解釋就很難理解。
Wrong: "The ability for sales and marketing to cooperate on sales opportunities is crucial to sustainable revenue growth."
錯(cuò)誤示例:通過(guò)銷(xiāo)售和營(yíng)銷(xiāo)能力提高銷(xiāo)售幾率對(duì)可持續(xù)的銷(xiāo)售增長(zhǎng)至關(guān)重要。
Right: "The other day, we lost the Acme account because our sales message and our marketing message didn't jibe."
正確示例:因?yàn)殇N(xiāo)售信息和營(yíng)銷(xiāo)信息不匹配,我們失去了重要客戶(hù)。
4.兼顧情感和理性
人們根據(jù)情感做決定,然后再為決定找智力方面的理由。
Wrong: "Our records indicate that 10% of our sales opportunities are lost without any sustained effort in the area of competitive analysis and comparison."
錯(cuò)誤示例:我們的記錄顯示我們因?yàn)槿狈υ诟?jìng)爭(zhēng)分析和比較方面的持續(xù)努力而喪失了10%的銷(xiāo)售機(jī)會(huì)。
Right: "Everyone around here loves winning deals so much that we get skittish when it comes to finding out why we lost a deal."
正確示例:在場(chǎng)的每個(gè)人都想要贏(yíng)得生意以至于當(dāng)我們找到丟失這筆生意的原因時(shí),我們都坐立不安。
5.使用生動(dòng)的語(yǔ)言而不是陳詞濫調(diào)。
使用那些無(wú)趣的專(zhuān)業(yè)術(shù)語(yǔ)或者老掉牙的比喻會(huì)掩蓋你的寫(xiě)作。
Wrong: "This action item calls for out-of-the-box thinking."
錯(cuò)誤示例:這項(xiàng)任務(wù)要求大膽開(kāi)闊的想法。
Right: "If you've got an idea that you're afraid might be half-baked, let's consider it anyway."
正確示例:如果你有一個(gè)想法,那你擔(dān)心會(huì)中途流產(chǎn),沒(méi)關(guān)系先考慮再說(shuō)。
6.不要重復(fù)自己說(shuō)的話(huà)。
重復(fù)會(huì)使文章顯得冗長(zhǎng)卻沒(méi)有實(shí)質(zhì)內(nèi)容。它會(huì)使你的文章大打折扣并且削弱你的觀(guān)點(diǎn)。
Wrong: "This training program teaches you to learn the best tricks, tips, techniques and skills for every stage of the market process."
錯(cuò)誤示例:這個(gè)培訓(xùn)項(xiàng)目能教會(huì)你營(yíng)銷(xiāo)過(guò)程中最好的手段、方法、技巧和技能。
Right: "This program teaches the best marketing tricks."
正確示例:這個(gè)項(xiàng)目能教會(huì)你最好的營(yíng)銷(xiāo)手段。
7.簡(jiǎn)潔而不要繁瑣
一些商務(wù)人士認(rèn)為自己的工資和寫(xiě)文章的字?jǐn)?shù)掛鉤,就像三十年代的低俗小說(shuō)家。
Wrong: "In order to focus externally, we must focus both externally and internally (customer's customer and internal alignment necessary to respond), with internal collaboration with common focus/goals by stakeholders accountable for ultimate business results oriented, optimized and coordinated outputs, aligned around the sales cycle and with a proactive approach to higher order competency investments and being unwilling to throw deliverables over the fence to sales teams and trust results will be achieved."
錯(cuò)誤示例:為了從外部關(guān)注,我們必需同時(shí)從內(nèi)部和外部關(guān)注(顧客的顧客以及能做出必要反應(yīng)的內(nèi)部聯(lián)盟),同股東達(dá)成共識(shí)并建立內(nèi)部合作,對(duì)最終經(jīng)營(yíng)成果的導(dǎo)向和最優(yōu)化負(fù)責(zé),對(duì)銷(xiāo)售過(guò)程中的產(chǎn)量協(xié)調(diào)負(fù)責(zé)并積極促進(jìn)訂單能力投資,不將應(yīng)交付產(chǎn)品只交給銷(xiāo)售團(tuán)隊(duì),那么就能達(dá)到信任的結(jié)果。
Right: "We need to measure how well this works."
正確示例:我們需要了解它的功效到底有多好。
8.注重獨(dú)一無(wú)二的而不是普遍
如果你說(shuō)的東西和其他人的完全一樣,那還說(shuō)什么?
Wrong: "Our B2B services increase sales and reduce costs."
錯(cuò)誤示例:我們的B2B服務(wù)能增加銷(xiāo)售并減少成本。
Right: "Our customers often double their profit margins. No other vendor can do this."
正確示例:我們客戶(hù)的利潤(rùn)率經(jīng)常翻倍。其他任何銷(xiāo)售商都做不到這一點(diǎn)。
9.用名詞和動(dòng)詞而不是形容詞和副詞。
形容詞和副詞會(huì)削弱你的文章,尤其是當(dāng)你想要用它們來(lái)讓一句枯燥的話(huà)變得生動(dòng)些的時(shí)候。
Wrong: "We have an exciting, brand new product that will easily and quickly solve your most difficult sales process problems."
錯(cuò)誤示例:我們推出了一款令人振奮的、全新的產(chǎn)品,它能夠輕易解決我們面臨的最難的銷(xiāo)售問(wèn)題。
Right: " This product will help you turn prospects into customers in less time."
正確示例:這款產(chǎn)品能夠幫助你在較短時(shí)間內(nèi)開(kāi)拓新用戶(hù)。
10.用講故事的方式強(qiáng)調(diào)關(guān)鍵點(diǎn)。
人們能夠在忘記事實(shí)之后很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間內(nèi)回想起相關(guān)的故事。
Wrong: "Studies indicate that some office workers spend as much as 40% of their time writing and answering internal emails."
錯(cuò)誤示例:研究表明辦公室白領(lǐng)有40%的時(shí)間花在寫(xiě)作和回復(fù)內(nèi)部郵件上。
Right: "I sat down this morning and opened Outlook and you know what I discovered? 237 new messages! 237!! So I'm wondering how the heck can I get through all that junk and still get some real work done? "
正確示例:今早我剛坐下打開(kāi)了Outlook,你知道我發(fā)現(xiàn)了什么嗎?237條新消息!237條!我在想到底怎么樣才能把這些全部處理完再做些正經(jīng)的工作。
11.使用簡(jiǎn)單的詞匯而不是華而不實(shí)的術(shù)語(yǔ)。
用冗長(zhǎng)的單詞或不需要技術(shù)含量術(shù)語(yǔ)不會(huì)讓你顯得聰明些;這只會(huì)讓你看起來(lái)自以為是。
Wrong: "The facility-wide 802.11 networking infrastructure has now been completely implemented and is currently available for workplace utilization."
錯(cuò)誤示例:這個(gè)多功能的802.11網(wǎng)絡(luò)基礎(chǔ)設(shè)施已經(jīng)完全投入使用了,現(xiàn)在用于工作場(chǎng)合。
Right: "You can now use wireless in this building."
正確示例:你現(xiàn)在可以在大樓里使用無(wú)線(xiàn)網(wǎng)了。
12.展示證據(jù)而不是觀(guān)點(diǎn)。
除非某人私下和你熟識(shí)并相信你的判斷,否則你的觀(guān)點(diǎn)不足以說(shuō)服他人。相反的,觀(guān)點(diǎn)只會(huì)讓你聽(tīng)起來(lái)像是自吹自擂。
Wrong: "We have the best service, the most reliable product and the friendliest salespeople."
錯(cuò)誤示例:我們有最好的服務(wù),最值得信賴(lài)的產(chǎn)品和最友善的銷(xiāo)售人員。
Right: "We won the XYZ best service award. Twice."
正確示例:我們贏(yíng)得了XYZ最佳服務(wù)獎(jiǎng)兩次。