下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的經(jīng)典爆笑英語笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語笑話：

　　Simon was an inveterate fisherman, well known for exaggerating the size of the one that got away. But there came a day when he actually caught two enormous flounders. He immediately invited a few friends over to dine, then tried to figure out how best to serve the fish. If I use both, he told his wife, it will seem ostentatious.

　　Why not serve a piece of each? she suggested.

　　No, if I cut them up, nobody will believe I caught two giant flounders. Simon racked his brain. Then he had an idea.

　　The guests were seated at the table when their host strode in with a platter, holding the biggest flounder they'd ever seen. Suddenly Simon stumbled and fell. Everyone cried out in dismay as the fish crashed to the floor, but Simon quickly brushed himself off.

　　Dear, he called out to his wife, bring in the other flounder!

　　西蒙是個老練的漁夫。人們都熟知他愛吹噓跑掉的那條魚的尺寸。但有一天他確實抓了兩條極大的比目魚。他立刻邀請幾個朋友過來吃飯，然后著力搞清楚怎樣上魚。如果兩條一起上，他對妻子說，好像有點炫耀之嫌了。

　　何不兩條魚各上一塊呢?他妻子建議道。

　　不行，如果把兩條魚都切碎了，就不會有人相信我抓了兩條大比目魚了。西蒙絞盡了腦汁，終于想出了一個好辦法。

　　客人已在餐桌邊就座完畢，這時主人大步地走進(jìn)來，手里端著一個托盤，托盤上是一個他們所見過的最大的比目魚。突然西蒙被什么東西絆了一下摔倒了。所有的人都驚慌地叫了起來，因為魚在地板上摔得粉碎。但是西蒙迅速地擺脫了窘境。

　　親愛的，他對妻子喊道，把另一條魚端上來!

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語笑話：Alexander the Great

　　Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation，and the doctor，somewhat nettled，said：Landon，you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject.You seem to lack ambition.Why，at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world.

　　Yes， said Landon，he couldn't help it，for you will recall the fact，doctor，that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher.

　　亞歷山大大帝

　　蘭登作了一次不成功的朗誦。老師有點不悅，對他說道：

　　蘭登，你在這門課上好像進(jìn)步不大，你好像缺乏志向。亞歷山大大帝在你這個年齡可已經(jīng)征服了半個世界。

　　是啊，蘭登說，他沒法不那樣。博士先生，您回想一下史實，亞歷山大大帝有亞里士多德做他的老師。

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語笑話：Impudent Questions

　　A little girl from the East Side was invited to a garden party given by a very aristocratic lady to a group of little East-Siders.

　　The little girl, as she drank her tea and ate her plum-cake on a velvet lawn under a white-blooming cherry tree, said to her hostess:

　　Does your husband drink?

　　Why-er-no, not to excess, was the astonished reply.

　　How much does he make?

　　He doesn't work, said the lady. He is a capitalist.

　　You keep out of debt, I hope?

　　Of course, child. What on earth do you mean by all these impudent questions?

　　Impudent? said the little girl. Why, Ma'am, Mother told me to be sure and behave like a lady, and when ladies call at our rooms they always question Mother like that.

　　無禮的問題

　　一個住在城東貧民區(qū)的小女孩獲得邀請，參加一位貴婦人為城東貧民區(qū)的孩子們舉行的花園晚會。

　　在一棵開滿了白色小花兒的櫻桃樹下，小女孩坐在柔軟的草地上，一邊品嘗著她的茶和梅子蛋糕，一邊對貴婦人說：你的丈夫酗酒嗎? 呃，呃，不，他喝得不多。夫人一臉驚詫。

　　他掙多少錢?

　　他不工作，夫人回答說，他是個資本家。

　　我希望你們沒有負(fù)債吧?

　　當(dāng)然沒有，孩子。你問這么些無禮的問題到底是想說什么呢?

　　無禮?小女孩說，怎么會呢，夫人?媽媽要我的舉止一定要象夫人們一樣，當(dāng)她們到我們家做客的時候，她們總是那樣問我媽媽的。

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語笑話：Be Much Worse

　　Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

　　Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

　　可能更糟

　　警察：當(dāng)你的手表被搶的時候，你為什么不大聲喊叫呢?

　　男士：如果我張嘴喊叫，他們就會發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆金牙。那樣情況就更糟了!經(jīng)典爆笑英語笑話：什么叫叛徒?

　　Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?” Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.” Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” Father：“A convert，my son.”

　　有希望的青年人：“父親，什么叫政治叛徒?” 父親(一位老資格的政治家)：“叛徒指的是離開我們黨而加入到另一個黨的人。” 有希望的青年人：“那么，離開他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什么呢?” 父親：“叫改變信仰者。我的兒子。”

　　經(jīng)典爆笑英語笑話：馬克·吐溫

　　On one occasion when Mark Twain arrived in London from New York，the Star thought the fact worth recording onits evening placard.But there was another piece of news to bementioned：it was about the Ascot Cup being stolen.Theplacard thus ran： MARK TWAIN ARRIVES. ASCOT CUP STOLEN. Mark Twain，we believe，never heard the last of it.

　　有一次，馬克·吐溫從紐約起程抵達(dá)倫敦訪問，《星報》認(rèn)為這個消息值得登在它的晚招貼上。但是，還有一條消息也要登上：關(guān)于愛斯科杯被盜的消息。招貼是這樣寫的： 馬克·吐溫 光臨 愛斯科杯 被盜 我們相信，馬克·吐溫從來也沒聽說過這件事。